I was at work. Miserable. Walking down the hall with Tom, pretending to listen as he started expounding on all the changes the team needed to make to the deck before tomorrow's meeting. That's the thing about Tom- it always takes him ten minutes to find the right euphemisms to say "These slides are complete nonsensical crap." He also tends to forget that he tells us exactly what to put on the slides - normally writing out each bullet point word-for-word on the whiteboard in a completely illegible hand. Hours later, the team will puzzle over it - "Do you remember what he was saying there? Does that say 'deepen our understanding' or 'leper on Unitarian'?"
Right then, out of the corner of my eye I saw that ... thing ... there behind the glass door of the phone room on my right. Suddenly everything felt
completely clear and completely terrifying. Except - and this sounds crazy, but I'm going to add it - the thing looked like it was wearing a navy blue pinstripe Jos. A. Bank suit and talking into a Bluetooth headset.
By the time I turned my head to look at it straight on and blinked my eyes, it was gone. I just saw the empty hall, a string of dark offices, and Tom. I don't even think he noticed that I had stopped listening to him. He's probably used to it. He squinted at me and handed me 116 slides with a bunch of scribbled notes and stains from a Potbelly sandwich on them.
I glanced at one of them, which was new, and handwritten. It had all the hallmarks of a Tom slide. Tons of new data we didn't have, confusing granular breakdowns of information, and waterfall charts. No client in their right mind would want to see a slide like this.
"So you're comfortable making those changes before the 9 am meeting tomorrow?" He asked. It was 8:30 pm.
"Sure," I said. It's a testament to my complete lack of engagement with my job that I was able to take it in stride - both the changes and what I saw in the phone room. Things that happen at work only dance around about 4% of my consciousness.
Anyway, at this point, I've been up for two days straight, so I’m
probably not thinking clearly anymore, but it seems like either (A) I'm losing my mind or
(B) there’s something really, really wrong. Either way I thought I'd write it down. If it’s option (A), then all of this will just
be good entertainment. If it’s option (B), then people should know.
Wait. I need to tell you who I am before you make the
mistake of hiring me.
